This connection thing…

Feeling connected

The other day I was by the fish market, and this guy came up to me with two bags of fish, cleaned and sliced and trying to sell me some. I kept saying I didn’t want any fish because I don’t like people heckling me to buy things. Anyway, this guy was a bit persistent, but not in a bad way. I was sold. A bag of fish which looked fresh and was cleaned and of a variety. There was something about him. Anyway, as I was taking out the money to pay, he said “ good people is good people”. And just like that I felt the connection. And I knew right away that I did right, buying that fish from him.
Some nights ago, I went to a club where a live band was playing. I was by myself and for the first time in my homeland, I didn’t feel right being there alone – not because I felt unsafe, but because I just didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention. But the band was brilliant and I took the dance floor, as I do. It is something in me. I just have to set me movements free…I have to dance. While I was there an acquaintance and spiritual friend of mine came in with her family and introduced me to her mother. It was the first time I met her mother. We didn’t even say much to each other. She joined me on the dance floor and we were the only ones dancing for a while. I felt the connection. It was as though I knew her well and we did this every Saturday!
Another Saturday night, at one of my liming spots, a young woman and three children came into the restaurant. The young woman was tall, slender, wearing a gorgeous long dress with African print. She had the kind of face one won’t forget – long, cheeks standing out, deep eyes, with a look of scepticism. Caution. The three little girls – her daughters I assumed – were dressed with care. Not in typical jeans or shorts, but in lovely floral dresses, their hair combed neat neat, with ribbons – even on the oldest girl, who looked to be about eleven or twelve – and that told me this mother still had some old fashion values in her. I watched her wait for a table and I somehow, even though I had no idea, felt that this outing, perhaps a birthday occasion or just to treat herself and her children – took a lot of courage and sacrifice. I sat outside casting glances, admiring how she dealt with her girls. I saw the finger talking and the eye warning, a few times, as she kept them in order. And for some reason, my chest swelled with admiration for her. I felt happy for her and I wanted to go and sit with her and get to know her- find out her story. I felt like I could relate, but I was discouraged, by my someone who thought my action would offend her. Someone who obviously does not get it. And even though I felt otherwise, I neglected my impulse. And now feel a sense of regret, because I felt the connection.
Those, to me, were real connections. Connections that cannot be learned, taught, sold or bought. The ones you either get or not. People try. There are those who take all kinds of Alchemy and yoga training, travel across continents to discover, feel, learn and try to teach this spirituality thing. For many it’s a job, a source of income. But this connection thing cannot be forced – not by any yoga instructor, masseur. Not at any retreat or monastery. I think it is a feeling, a force so natural and innate, that one either gets it or not. It is something special. Some people actually experience it, and when they do, they know it is special. Pure. Natural. Good.

Life Happens

 

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” John Lennon-

As Life happens and we try to deal with what it dishes out- whether served on porcelain China, enamel bowl or a bashie (calabash). We have to deal with what it throws, pelts or hurls at us, in whatever way. Facing many paths. And as Robert Frost said in his poem The Road Not Taken,Two roads diverged …And sorry I could not travel both…and way leads on to way…” We have to make choices. And sometimes we just have to roll with choices made for us.

Recently, I found myself dealing with my share . And I found that I was not dealing with them right. I was letting things take over. And as my thoughts infected my moods, and my moods affected my being, I found that my actions reflected everything. Just as if Life empty out me free spirit, my spontaneity, my creativity and all me passion from me bashie and replace it with bitterness, vexness, sourness, fedup-ness, stupidness. All how I turn was bad vibes. So I lost my way, more than a little bit.

I kept making excuses for not doing. Procrastinating. And there was always a ready excuse. I kept trying to justify them. I convinced myself that it was ok not to do right now. It is ok not to be my true self right now, because this has happened, or that was happening. And every day it got easier to Not do. To Not be. Because I gave power to these negative forces. Power to hold me back. Hold me down. Shackle my feet.

Well ah taking back me damn power! We have a saying here that ‘give cyan take back’. But ah want back me damn ting! Ah want back me voice. Me spirit. Me movement. Me words. Meself. Gimme back me damn mojo. Because from now on, Not Creating Is Not An Option.

Just do it

writing stoneSometimes,
I wish I could assess it, analyze it, defragment it, Dissect it
So I could put it together again, figure it
Get it. What they say it should be. How it should be
This whole process. This writing thing
Some need a reason
Some kind of motive. Logic
Some even need a season
When they do it. How. Why
As if everything must have a name
Be labelled. Categorized. Put in a box
But I don’t know
Me, I just go with the flow
I just do the thing
I don’t know about the philosophy of it
All them terms, them rules. Voice
Structure, syntax. The theory of it
I don’t profess to know about the teaching of it
Or claim I was born with it
I don’t fantasize, bullshit or hide behind it
This whole process. This writing thing
I just do it
Whatever comes, however it comes, whenever it comes
I grab and move with it, Inspiration or intention
And I put them down.
All them thoughts, emotions, experiences, stories
I transform them into words
Then I organize them, the words
Put them how I want them. Where I want them
To say what I want to
And that’s all I know
I just go with the flow
And it worries me sometimes you know
The not having a plan, some kind of structure
But it’s what works for me
My writing process, so much me
For my consciousness , free spirit, creativity
For this calm, humble nature
For the freedom to be
And I like it just so
This writing thing
And I give thanks

Sharing a couple old pieces

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Nobody does starve in dis place

This morning as I woke up I hear…
“Boy what you doin dey dis early morning?” The old lady from across the road in she nightie hobbling across by the big house with the huge golden apple – that the children always stonning, and the breadfruit tree in the yard, on she walking stick.
“Ah pickin a breadfruit dey”, the young man answered, calm and cool. No “why you doh mine you damn business woman or shut you so and so mouth or why you do hawl you mudder so and so or any profanity of the sort. He just standing in the Government road, as we say and he jookin he ting…he jookin something up in the branches hanging over the road.
“So who tell you you could jus come and pick de people breadfruit now eh? Leave de people damn breadfruit alone.” She taking purchase on she stick and she under the breadfruit tree now….fuming, knocking she stick on the ground as she talking. And the breadfruit tree is not even hers…is the same way she does cuss and chase the youths when they pickin the golden-apples. She prefer they just fall and rot on the ground! Is this a Caribbean ting?
Anyway, partners en saying nottin..he just aiming straighter and jookin harder..and she standing up there with she cotton hair making her look like she supposed to be a nice ole lady- watching and I looking through me window (machoing?) thinking he must be real desperate for ah oil down because although is true, the tree take a real good load for the season, all I could see is little baby breadfruits that have a good time to go still..but this young man still jookin!! And I thinking maybe he seeing something we en seeing…maybe it have one that was busy busy to mature, leaving the rest behind…and I thinking good for you boy. Jook with all you might. Because man must eat! And once breadfruit around, nobody starves in this place. Oil down on the beach later…I limin dat!….And a big big shout out…with sincere thanks to Captian Bligh!!

 

Boy we like to direc’ traffic!

Road works in full swing so people could make a little panquai for the Christmas….when you see road works you know Christmas coming..just like the cool breeze we getting  on evenings now, and parang playing on the radio…anyway…since before 5am the gang out, because I hearing cutlass slicing  bush, the pling pling of cutlass hitting  stones…( I heard someone say this area is known as The Stones…). And this man busy because I sure he have another day work to go and make when he finish here…so he getting on with it. He en talking, he en pausing for nothing. There are four of them…one other woman serious too..she band she belly and she ready for hard work. She raking up the bush and gathering them for gang member number 3. Now number 3 en ready for that kind of work at all. She in she skinny jeans and  ballet pumps, and she holey vest  exhibiting  all she bosom and she  bulges  and them..but the weaver well protected under she scarf. I bet she finger nails and them long long too….and she doing all she can not to have to pick up them bundle of grass with she pretty nails!  And then number 4 is the overseer..the leader. Now you could tell that she is a woman you don’t mess about with. She skinny like a rake and look as tough and strong as an old mahogany trunk…she holding a rake but for her it’s minimal work..she is the ‘Foreman’ – that’s the word I was looking for…Foreman. So she just monitoring things…so when the car coming down meet up with the one going up the hill….on that narrow narrow road and we know one has to do something to give way to the other…she take charge right away…

“Man just go back nuh! You en see she cyan pass. Jus pull out yourself from the damn drain and trow youself on the side dey”. Pointing to the muddy side road that all man afraid of…because unless you have 4wheel drive, you know you well stuck!

“Man jus throw youself on the side nuh man let the lady pass!”  And you know why she saying the lady and not the woman eh!  All you know?  Anyway…Driver reverses now,…cautiously…looking very nervous.. just far enough so the lady could squeeze pass.

“Yea man. Down the road lady!”

All’s well again. The little crowd gathered to watch this little scenario disperses now…school, work, lime, fishing…wherever.

Grenadians like to direct traffic. A car just has to make a mistake and stop for a second, and someone ready to give directions!

And me… I like listening to all that juicy stuff going on outside my window! A little maccoing never hurt nobody yet!  Or has it? You know when I used to live in a little village out in the sticks ..not long ago…I wrote a piece called “ Nothing Happens on Primrose Close” Might share one of these days.

But talking about maccoing…last night it was a young lady and she boyfriend…sounded like he apprehended her mobile phone! Drama!! For another time though. Somebody jooking breadfruit outside again and I going and see if they go jook one for me too!

This dialect thing

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Is this Creole language just a spoken language?

The use of the creole language makes the reading difficult, inaccessible, slows down the pace, etc etc.
These words, these expressions, often nail ugly, nagging, little doubts into my writing, whenever I hear, see or think about them.
How do we as Caribbean writers, especially ones who are determined not only to preserve but to promote our creole language – those of us who are bold enough to brave this language which many will agree is only meant to be a spoken language – how do we brave it in our stories, our writing? Going boldly, where many others dare not even consider this challenge.
In response to Lisa Allen-Agostine’s article on navigating the use of Caribbean creole language in our writing, (www.guardian.co.tt/columnist/2014-04-22/sounding-creole-grenada-days-12), Pattrini commented,  “ If you were to read aloud a passage in creole (or dialect, as it is also called), that would be fine. But hearing/speaking as opposed to reading creole… there is a difference between the two…” And I have to agree to a certain extent. I found this example online, supposedly written by a Grenadian. “Da other day when a went by Sears a had so much problem with the bay who was helping me. first a try to get bay to help me and he juss keep runnin around de place like he stupid. Den when he finally came and a ack him to show me some o de frig and them de wuz acking like he en even no wah goin on.” Hmm. Do you get it?
I then googled what West Indian writers say about using the creole language, and came across this post by Barbadian writer Shakirah Bourne shared an excerpt from Trainspotting by Scottish Author, Ivrine Welsh, (read it here – http://getwritebds.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/trainspotting.jpg) Here is what she commented, “Now…I want you to understand this is the novel ‘that became the cult sensations of Britain. Trainspotting is the novel that first launched Irvine Welsh’s spectacular career—an authentic, unrelenting, and strangely exhilarating episodic group portrait of blasted lives.’ My point – and I always get there – is how the ramgeorge people can love, read and accept the language in this book, and then complain and cry down bout lil Caribbean dialect in novels, saying nuhbody won’t be able to understand it?” Read the complete post here –http://getwrite.com/2013/06/29/on-dialect-how-caribbean-people-supposed-tuh-talk-in-a-book-eh/

Yes still, as determined as I am, these little insecurities nibble at me continuously, and at times, painfully!
In my manuscript Force Ripe (soon to be published), I am adamant about using our Grenadian creole, despite all the warnings from literary agents and editors about making my book inaccessible to a wider audience outside of our Caribbean Diaspora. I have used this language, not only as dialect in dialogue, but also within the text, to demonstrate the nuances of the language, especially with personal and possessive pronouns. For example, “Me and me brother always home for weself.” I have also doubled up on adverbs and adjectives for emphasis. For example, “I grip Daddy neck tight tight.” Or “The damn boy head big big!” And to add to that, I have written the manuscript in the voice and point of view of a child, which changes as she grows and develops. This story is set in the north of the island, and some of us will know that, not only does the dialect vary from the north to the south, but so does the accent. Which is why, for authenticity sake, the use of dialect/creole is indispensable. For me, putting standard English on the narrator’s tongue, or most of the characters’ from the same setting, is like putting fillet steak or lamb chops in oil down. It just does not work.
Now I am halfway through my manuscript, editing and rewriting in the present tense because I realize this creole language works more effectively in this tense, especially as we tend to just leave out the past tense altogether. And so ‘Mammy goes …’, becomes ‘Mammy does go …’. ‘He went...’ might be ‘He did go…’ but we will say ‘He de go…’. Not easy! This reminds me of a little conversation I had with an American man at St George’s University, one evening (while attending an intensive editing workshop with our writer in residence, Trinidadian, Lisa Allen Agostini), about our creole language. He sang me a little chorus which he had composed called “Ah go go.” And I can’t remember the words now, but it went like this…ah go go and play jouvert. Ah go go and cook me oil down..etc etc. In an American accent! Can you imagine! And I am almost certain I recently came across this double use of the verb go in Half of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi. Now I wish I had marked the page, so I could reference it.
Anyway, this is all to say that this damn language is not easy to write, but if we as Caribbean Writers, if I as a Grenadian writer don’t write it, who will! And even if this means that my audience will be limited to the Caribbean diaspora, then I am cool with that. It is a conscious choice I am making. I am also challenging myself to hook and pull my readers into the story, so the reading, the understanding of the language will flow.
And this is what spurs me on, keeps me motivated…. injects me with renewed determination to follow through. This is what makes me put that oil down on hold; cover my preparations, make sure I attire myself appropriately, and venture down the road to that little shop, braving the rumsons (rum drinkers) gathered under the mango tree, raw, unguarded expletives, stand by the door, while the well admired shopkeeper deal with her customers – all of whose names she knows, some scribbled somewhere in her little credit book, until payday. This is why I wait patiently, stamping away flies and slapping mosquitoes, to order my pound of pigtails and chicken back and neck, even though that lovely piece of fillet steak and those thick chunks of chicken breast sit in the freezer.