Life Happens

 

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” John Lennon-

As Life happens and we try to deal with what it dishes out- whether served on porcelain China, enamel bowl or a bashie (calabash). We have to deal with what it throws, pelts or hurls at us, in whatever way. Facing many paths. And as Robert Frost said in his poem The Road Not Taken,Two roads diverged …And sorry I could not travel both…and way leads on to way…” We have to make choices. And sometimes we just have to roll with choices made for us.

Recently, I found myself dealing with my share . And I found that I was not dealing with them right. I was letting things take over. And as my thoughts infected my moods, and my moods affected my being, I found that my actions reflected everything. Just as if Life empty out me free spirit, my spontaneity, my creativity and all me passion from me bashie and replace it with bitterness, vexness, sourness, fedup-ness, stupidness. All how I turn was bad vibes. So I lost my way, more than a little bit.

I kept making excuses for not doing. Procrastinating. And there was always a ready excuse. I kept trying to justify them. I convinced myself that it was ok not to do right now. It is ok not to be my true self right now, because this has happened, or that was happening. And every day it got easier to Not do. To Not be. Because I gave power to these negative forces. Power to hold me back. Hold me down. Shackle my feet.

Well ah taking back me damn power! We have a saying here that ‘give cyan take back’. But ah want back me damn ting! Ah want back me voice. Me spirit. Me movement. Me words. Meself. Gimme back me damn mojo. Because from now on, Not Creating Is Not An Option.

Just do it

writing stoneSometimes,
I wish I could assess it, analyze it, defragment it, Dissect it
So I could put it together again, figure it
Get it. What they say it should be. How it should be
This whole process. This writing thing
Some need a reason
Some kind of motive. Logic
Some even need a season
When they do it. How. Why
As if everything must have a name
Be labelled. Categorized. Put in a box
But I don’t know
Me, I just go with the flow
I just do the thing
I don’t know about the philosophy of it
All them terms, them rules. Voice
Structure, syntax. The theory of it
I don’t profess to know about the teaching of it
Or claim I was born with it
I don’t fantasize, bullshit or hide behind it
This whole process. This writing thing
I just do it
Whatever comes, however it comes, whenever it comes
I grab and move with it, Inspiration or intention
And I put them down.
All them thoughts, emotions, experiences, stories
I transform them into words
Then I organize them, the words
Put them how I want them. Where I want them
To say what I want to
And that’s all I know
I just go with the flow
And it worries me sometimes you know
The not having a plan, some kind of structure
But it’s what works for me
My writing process, so much me
For my consciousness , free spirit, creativity
For this calm, humble nature
For the freedom to be
And I like it just so
This writing thing
And I give thanks

This dialect thing

yes-i-does-speak-english

Is this Creole language just a spoken language?

The use of the creole language makes the reading difficult, inaccessible, slows down the pace, etc etc.
These words, these expressions, often nail ugly, nagging, little doubts into my writing, whenever I hear, see or think about them.
How do we as Caribbean writers, especially ones who are determined not only to preserve but to promote our creole language – those of us who are bold enough to brave this language which many will agree is only meant to be a spoken language – how do we brave it in our stories, our writing? Going boldly, where many others dare not even consider this challenge.
In response to Lisa Allen-Agostine’s article on navigating the use of Caribbean creole language in our writing, (www.guardian.co.tt/columnist/2014-04-22/sounding-creole-grenada-days-12), Pattrini commented,  “ If you were to read aloud a passage in creole (or dialect, as it is also called), that would be fine. But hearing/speaking as opposed to reading creole… there is a difference between the two…” And I have to agree to a certain extent. I found this example online, supposedly written by a Grenadian. “Da other day when a went by Sears a had so much problem with the bay who was helping me. first a try to get bay to help me and he juss keep runnin around de place like he stupid. Den when he finally came and a ack him to show me some o de frig and them de wuz acking like he en even no wah goin on.” Hmm. Do you get it?
I then googled what West Indian writers say about using the creole language, and came across this post by Barbadian writer Shakirah Bourne shared an excerpt from Trainspotting by Scottish Author, Ivrine Welsh, (read it here – http://getwritebds.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/trainspotting.jpg) Here is what she commented, “Now…I want you to understand this is the novel ‘that became the cult sensations of Britain. Trainspotting is the novel that first launched Irvine Welsh’s spectacular career—an authentic, unrelenting, and strangely exhilarating episodic group portrait of blasted lives.’ My point – and I always get there – is how the ramgeorge people can love, read and accept the language in this book, and then complain and cry down bout lil Caribbean dialect in novels, saying nuhbody won’t be able to understand it?” Read the complete post here –http://getwrite.com/2013/06/29/on-dialect-how-caribbean-people-supposed-tuh-talk-in-a-book-eh/

Yes still, as determined as I am, these little insecurities nibble at me continuously, and at times, painfully!
In my manuscript Force Ripe (soon to be published), I am adamant about using our Grenadian creole, despite all the warnings from literary agents and editors about making my book inaccessible to a wider audience outside of our Caribbean Diaspora. I have used this language, not only as dialect in dialogue, but also within the text, to demonstrate the nuances of the language, especially with personal and possessive pronouns. For example, “Me and me brother always home for weself.” I have also doubled up on adverbs and adjectives for emphasis. For example, “I grip Daddy neck tight tight.” Or “The damn boy head big big!” And to add to that, I have written the manuscript in the voice and point of view of a child, which changes as she grows and develops. This story is set in the north of the island, and some of us will know that, not only does the dialect vary from the north to the south, but so does the accent. Which is why, for authenticity sake, the use of dialect/creole is indispensable. For me, putting standard English on the narrator’s tongue, or most of the characters’ from the same setting, is like putting fillet steak or lamb chops in oil down. It just does not work.
Now I am halfway through my manuscript, editing and rewriting in the present tense because I realize this creole language works more effectively in this tense, especially as we tend to just leave out the past tense altogether. And so ‘Mammy goes …’, becomes ‘Mammy does go …’. ‘He went...’ might be ‘He did go…’ but we will say ‘He de go…’. Not easy! This reminds me of a little conversation I had with an American man at St George’s University, one evening (while attending an intensive editing workshop with our writer in residence, Trinidadian, Lisa Allen Agostini), about our creole language. He sang me a little chorus which he had composed called “Ah go go.” And I can’t remember the words now, but it went like this…ah go go and play jouvert. Ah go go and cook me oil down..etc etc. In an American accent! Can you imagine! And I am almost certain I recently came across this double use of the verb go in Half of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi. Now I wish I had marked the page, so I could reference it.
Anyway, this is all to say that this damn language is not easy to write, but if we as Caribbean Writers, if I as a Grenadian writer don’t write it, who will! And even if this means that my audience will be limited to the Caribbean diaspora, then I am cool with that. It is a conscious choice I am making. I am also challenging myself to hook and pull my readers into the story, so the reading, the understanding of the language will flow.
And this is what spurs me on, keeps me motivated…. injects me with renewed determination to follow through. This is what makes me put that oil down on hold; cover my preparations, make sure I attire myself appropriately, and venture down the road to that little shop, braving the rumsons (rum drinkers) gathered under the mango tree, raw, unguarded expletives, stand by the door, while the well admired shopkeeper deal with her customers – all of whose names she knows, some scribbled somewhere in her little credit book, until payday. This is why I wait patiently, stamping away flies and slapping mosquitoes, to order my pound of pigtails and chicken back and neck, even though that lovely piece of fillet steak and those thick chunks of chicken breast sit in the freezer.

 

 

Bloody technology!!

I want to cry. No..I want to bawl. I literally want to hold my head and bawl! No. I have not lost anyone. I have only just lost a whole 800 word piece I have just written, a piece in which I felt I did a great job expressing, organizing the words in the way I want them to sound. A piece I felt, in my belly, will be a great piece once I had edited it. Then technology struck! My computer switched off! I didn’t tell it too. Aren’t these things supposed to operate on your commands? It just switched off and by the time I hit the same button, it was too late!!! I have since searched everywhere – every little cell, cabinet, folder, file… in cyber space! Nothing! Just a Carte Blanche stares back at me…waiting for my words…for me to repeat…replicate…duplicate… once again. Will it be better this time around?

What to leave out?

writing stoneSomeone said, in writing, you should leave out the bits that readers tend to skip. I say, this is very subjective. What one reader might skip, another might savour. You know what they say about one man’s trash….Who said this writing thing was easy? Someone called Pete Hamill said, “writing is the hardest work in the world not including (I wonder if involving would be a better choice of word here) heavy lifting.

Expressing emotion

writing stone“Fiction evokes Emotion. Emotion is the glue that pulls all other disparate (and perhaps desperate) elements together,” Sol Stein said. I am editing in layers really…now that it’s down, I am fixing the structure, getting the sensory images right in my descriptions, and facing the challenge of getting the emotions right. How does a child express emotions..how do I get these evoked emotions across? I am taking the advice of T. S. Elliot on this one – trying to find ‘objective correlatives': a set objects, situations, a chain of events – as a formula in getting them across.

Who said this writing thing was easy?