Caribbean |

Last chapter…finally!

February 25, 2015 by cindymac Leave a Comment

Celebrating the final chapter…

Today I will take the time to celebrate this achievement. I don’t yet know how, but I will. Then I will move on to the next phase in this process. The next leg of this journey. For I am now at the crossroads, where I need to choose the next path. But ”… knowing how way leads on to way…” this journey is nowhere near the end.

I have come this far. I have paused along the way, to think, reassess, ask for directions. I have stopped to rest my weary self, have a drink, replenish, recharge. Look back on the roads travelled. Breathe. Smile. Laugh even, at the wrong turns – when often I was scared, terrified I wouldn’t know how to get back on track.

A few years ago I was driving from Morton, the tiny village where I lived in Lincolnshire, to Queensgate Shopping Centre in Peterborough. Though I had a vague idea how to get there, and everyone kept telling me to just follow the road straight ahead, never mentioning any of the umpteen turnings and roundabouts I would encounter. Anyway, as it happened, it was not a straight forward journey and I did take a wrong turn, which took me onto this extensive, nerve jolting, dual carriage way…four lanes of traffic zooming pass me little green Peugeot 306 at 80MPH!! Imagine me! Small island girl, from this tiny Caribbean Island, Grenada, with Maurice Bishop Highway the closest I ever get to a dual carriage way…ending up there! To say I was shit scared is an understatement! I nearly mess meself!! Luckily my very brave daughter kept me calm and very sensibly said, “Mommy let’s just look for the next exit.” Well the only exit I could think of is the bright yellow EXIT sign, lit up over the door when matinee over in Griffith cinema. And there is no asking for directions!!!

Now I will breathe, appreciate where I am now and acknowledge all that it took to bring me to this point – negative as well as positive. I look back at the people who might have looked the other way, no time to share a kind or wise word – I wish them well. Those who have walked with me, kept me company – thank you.

And as I fill my lungs with revived energy to steer me along, take me on this next leg of this long long journey, my weight is much lighter now – my water bottle almost empty, food supply low, I am looking toward that silver lining… (Waitrose had an outlet at the end of this road.. rustic bread rolls and Tuna & sweet corn paste..some olives and a glass of Rose. Ah!!!)

And the roads ahead might get even more complex at this stage, I know. But I am hoping that the knowledge and experience which I have gathered along the way, have armed me with a bit more confidence. Seasoned me a little. I recently posted a piece on my book Force Ripe maturing, etc etc… and someone commented, “enough already!” Well I removed the post. That’s how enough already I felt! It hit me real hard!

But I will keep breathing and taking one step at a time. And though this road is by no means one “…less travelled by”, and the leaves are well trodden, “I am praying the road I take will make all the difference.” And “I don’t know how my story will end, but nowhere in my text will it ever read, ‘I gave up.’ ”

This gardening thing …

February 24, 2015 by cindymac 1 Comment

Each morning I go to my garden – to check on my plants, see what’s been happening overnight. Check if I need to water them. Give them some love. I put my heart into my gardening and they are very much like children. You know how we plant them, care for them, then we expect a nice, abundant harvest. Likewise, we care for our children, then expect them to go the right way, grow into the people we expect them to be. Now there those who don’t. They plant some corn, for example, don’t offer them a drop of water, or weed them or nothing, but expect them to yield nice full ears of corn. And you know what, sometimes they might just do that. Compared to a field that was cared for, nourished, yet yielded a poor crop anyway – because of poor soil etc… (like some peppers I have planted…no matter what I did for them, they are just there, nothing doing) that neglected field might flourish in all the bush and hardship, and produce well!

Same with some children. Some people just have them. That’s it. And though the nurture thing might affect how they turn out, there are the ones who will turn out just fine anyway. Beat the odds and grow into well adjusted, productive people.

So I walk around each bed, every plant, checking for bugs, (wish I knew which ones were useful) pulling the weeds , (I guess some of them might actually be good weeds ) but I pull them anyway. All man and their brothers. And sisters too! Just when they think all is well, and they start to take root and take over, I uproot them. Evict them from my garden. Give my plants room to spread out more, give them some of that yummy pen manure they love so much. Test the soil – see if they need water… like getting up at nights and checking your little ones bed, (for those who won’t even know what pull-ups are), making sure they are comfortable.

And it’s a journey – like life itself… taken with patience and perseverance. But sometimes it does not matter what you do, or how much love, care or passion you put into it, nature will do her thing.

Me this stone

May 15, 2014 by cindymac Leave a Comment

You see me this stone

You see how I just sit down here
Kinda round and kinda flat on the top, just so
You see where I position meself – right as you bend the corner after the first back-breaking hill, and just before the next killer hill. You see it up there
You see how ah settle meself right here, so the sun could bathe me through the breadfruit leaves, and then the skinnup could shade me when ah get too hot.
And I position meself right here where people could rest their tired bamsie on me
So I does hear all kinds a thing
And I know them voices and them good good now
The one that does drag he slippers going down the road, he jersey (T-shirt) reaching below he short pants. Sac on he back. Cap on head. Cigarette in hand. He voice husky and deep deep as if it coming out from quite down inside a barrel
And you see that lady across the road there, that look like she supposed to be a nice old lady with she cotton hair, sitting on she veranda? Well all she doing is maccoing the breadfruit tree. Shouting every time she hear a branch move or see a shadow
“Aye! Aye! Who dey in the breadfruit dey
Who you ask for breadfruit? Breadfruit tree is all you own?”
And the damn breadfruit tree is not even hers
The breadfruit and them just falling and making mess in the road
And all the youth man want is a breadfruit, maybe two if he lucky
To put down a likkle pot ah oil down, maybe share with he brethrens
Wash it down with a likkle lime juice. Because times hard. Is a survival

Then the fisherman going down, bucket a bait and fishing line
Telling the school children “mine how you go eh. Walk on the side nuh man.
What! You looking nice today oui!”
And I real like that; how he have time for them children
Later he going up, barracuda, bonita,.a slimy squid- dinner for the family
But it have a woman down the hill there, down in Bluggoe Hallow
Every morning she shouting, Rashooonn! Rashawn! Boy come and sweep the damn yard nuh bwoy. And I didn’t know it still have children who does sweep yard nuh
“Boy you doh going and tie out de blasted sheep.” Then later me neighbour calling hi. “Boy come and move the poor suffering sheep from there nuh. You end see it en getting nottin to eat there!”
And is the same youth man the lady across there had to put in he place the other day, because he too dam fresh up with heself. Seeping and calling her baby, as if them is companion or something. But ah was shock when she tell him how she have children twice he age oui! She en looking so at all!
Now Smallhead by she gate calling, ‘upstairs, upstairs!’ The other day, early early morning, he banging on she window with he broomstick when she didn’t answer him. And ah see he does pass in the back and walk round by the kitchen, and I know the lady doh like that because sometimes she does be walking round just as she born. But he does only charge a dollar a bag, to take garbage down to the bin. Every man have to make a dollar.
But you see how I just sit down here, so I does see all kinds a thing too
And so all kinds a bamsie does sit down on me
You see when them old ladies and them coming up from the beach early early morning, after they make it up Campesh Hill, and they bracing theyself, catching their hell to catch their breath, before they tackle Breakback Hill? Well they does take a likkle break by me here too. And one of them must rest she bamsie down on me
And ah does watch how those youths and them does speed up their car. Pretending they en hear them old ladies begging for a “pull up the hill nuh.”
You think I doesn’t hear all you saying how all you can’t handle these old people and them! But remember, is go they going, but is come all you coming!
And when Broko staggering up from the rum shop, where he had rum for tea, breakfast and dinner, the spirits seeping out from all he pores and them, just before he knock knee knock him down – and I don’t know how he does know when he reach me – but ah does just feel he bony bamsie hit me. Braps! And all I does think is, you better don’t fall and hit you blasted head on me, because ah en want no police come and ask me no question
But hear nuh, the other day when Susan bounce up with Natty, she just spread she big bamsie on me, so ah can’t even breath, much less see. And they start talking about the Church minister who have he wife and children but he still interfering with people girl children. How he too damn nasty for a big man! How he must make a damn jail. And ah know who they talking about good good, because a certain young girl does rest she bamsie on me and wait for a particular CRV to cruise down Breakback Hill. Heh!
And talking about CRV, I thought they say the country hard, how things dread. But I never see so much big brand new shiny cars passing on this road like now. And I wondering where people getting money to buy these cars and them!
And I even see that damn stuipdee ripping down the girl clothes in the road, the other night. Telling her to just give him back he damn clothes! Just because she take a likkle dance with somebody . Boy ah wonder what else he take back when they reach home
Yea man. I does hear and see all kinds a thing
Watch, I does surf the net and all, where you see ah sit down here, watch movie with them youth man and them, when they come and sit down on me to get connection
But you see that damn voice that interfering with me everyday
Telling me why ah doh stop me idleness there
Why ah doh go and get work to do
But ah does listen to the other voice too
It does tell me doh study it. It too damn fass
So I listenening
I still listening